Good day to all of you.
By the way, I’m Lorena, 39 years old.
Married to Aries for 20 years.
Too bad I spent almost a month on the ship and only two months back home.
Our life is good.
It’s not luxurious, but it’s good.
We have a house in town and I have a small shop in front.
I have a son who is now in college in Manila.
But despite all this, there are moments when I feel lonely.
It’s so quiet.
Without Aries, I feel like each day is so long.
I feel like time passes so slowly.
And no matter what I do, there’s always something missing.
And the hard part is that for a few years he had to go back and forth on the ship.
Now that I am older, I still sin.
One day, my neighbor Aling Nena recommended a trustworthy young man to help me in the shop as well as around the house.
I immediately agreed.
Lito came when he was only 24 years old.
Slim but with a strong body.
His face was bold but smiling.
He was from the other barangay.
He said that he had just finished working in the market as a porter, so he was very used to heavy work.
Good morning, ma’am Lorena.
He greeted me politely when we first met.
Just Lorena.
Don’t call me ma’am anymore.
I feel like I’m too old.
I’m kidding.
His cheeks were a little red with embarrassment but he still smiled.
I immediately trusted Lito because apart from being kind, he was also quick to act.
Every morning she comes early to water, clean, and open boxes of merchandise in my small sari-sari store.
She never complains for a single day.
She is always quiet but always smiles when spoken to.
Once, while I was arranging merchandise inside, I heard her voice calling out.
Sister Lorena, someone is waiting for you in the store.
I immediately went and saw him standing on the edge of the shelf.
Sweaty.
I noticed his simple appearance.
He was wearing a white t-shirt, faded shorts, and socks with holes in the toes.
But I don’t know why I felt a strange feeling that day.
Thank you, I was confused.
I said, “It’s nothing, sister.” Anya smiled.
That smile was mixed with shyness and tenderness.
I saw him every day.
When the sun rose, he just continued with his work.
Sometimes I would even tell him, “Lito, take a rest.” “You might faint later.” “It’s okay,” he replied, always smiling.
At noon we ate together because there was no one else in the house but me.
We both seemed to be getting comfortable.
He didn’t like to talk, but when I started talking about Aries, my son, and the store, he always listened.
“You’re really quiet, aren’t you?” I joked with him once.
Well, I’m really like that, ma’am, but I just wanted to listen.
He answered directly while looking at me.
It was as if something suddenly moved in my chest.
I don’t know if it’s because Aries has been gone for a long time or because of the kindness of the young man.
But since then, it seems like my quiet days have been happier.
One afternoon it was raining lightly.
I was inside the store.
Lito was busy organizing things, he was outside, come in, you can read here, I said.
Come, I said a little softly but seriously.
I took a small towel and handed it to her.
Wipe yourself first.
Thank you, Sister Lorena.
She said while brushing her hair.
I noticed her smell.
It smelled of sweat.
But it seemed to be the reason I felt a strange warmth.
We both remained silent as the rain poured down outside.
I felt the cool air inside the store.
That day, I couldn’t explain why every second seemed to last longer.
It was as if everything around us had suddenly slowed down.
What had once been a simple chore around the house had become something I looked forward to every morning.
I wasn’t blind.
I knew he was younger and there was a few years between us.
I’m also married and have a child.
I know it would be wrong to let my feelings grow deeper.
But what if I don’t want to? What if it comes on its own? One night as I lay in bed, I wondered why I didn’t seem very excited when Aries called from the ship.
Back then, every time I received this call, my hands would shake.
But now it seems normal.
“Are you okay, Len?” Aries asked over the phone.
“I’m fine.
I was busy at the store, that’s why.” “I really miss you.” Yes, I do.
But while I was talking to him, all I could think about was Lito’s smile.
This afternoon, while he was carrying the box of soft drinks, I just stared at him and it was embarrassing to admit.
But I bit my lip every time I stared at him.
After a few days, it became natural for us to talk, even about simple things.
Ah, Lito, do you have a girlfriend yet? I asked once while I was washing the dishes for both of us.
No.
Besides, I’m not in a hurry.
He answered, holding his head with his hand.
Why? Well, from the way I look, maybe no one will take me seriously.
Oh, why did you say that? We both laughed at his answer and left.
But deep down in my heart, it was impossible for anyone to like him because I was here and I knew within myself that I felt a strange warmth towards him.
Since then, I could no longer hide from myself that I had strange feelings for Lito.
I couldn’t say it clearly yet, but I knew that it was slowly deepening.
I don’t know where this will lead.
All I know is that with each day I spend with him, a part of me that has been starving for a husband’s attention is slowly awakening.
Lito’s presence in the house has started to feel like a daily routine.
When I wake up in the morning, I know he’ll be here within minutes.
Carrying boxes of merchandise and sweeping the yard.
If before there was just a simple look, now there is more electricity that I can’t explain.
I often see him sitting in front of the store after work.
Sweaty but smiling.
That’s where our conversations begin.
A story that gradually becomes more personal.
One afternoon while I was organizing merchandise, he came over.
Just wearing a t-shirt and shorTS. Still sweating from organizing the boxes of soft drinks.
I can feel the cold air but I can feel the warmth of his body more as he stands behind me.
Ah, Lito, put those soft drinks on the shelf.
I said, “Yes, sister.” He said.
As I handed him the bottle, our arms touched.
I was stunned for a moment.
He seemed to be moving a little closer.
Not rude, but I knew he meant something.
As he was arranging things, he teased me with a whisper.
His face was almost close to my ear.
You know, sister, you’re so quiet.
I turned around.
I was a little nervous but I couldn’t push myself away.
Because I don’t have anyone here at home.
Who should I talk to? “Aber,” I replied while trying to calm myself down.
Maybe you want to talk.
Or maybe K? I was a little surprised.
That wasn’t his typical joke.
He smiled after that.
That mischievous smile mixed with teasing.
Confused, what are you talking about? I replied jokingly.
But I couldn’t deny that I felt a strange thrill.
From then on, his hints became more frequent.
Not rude and not forced, as if every word he uttered had meaning.
One night while I was arranging the goods, he returned after closing the gate.
It was quiet because no one was buying.
Sister Lorena, he called.
Hmm.
It must be difficult when you’re not always alone.
Your husband is always away.
I was stunned.
I didn’t know what to answer.
I was used to being so confused.
I answered weakly.
Sometimes it felt like I wasn’t looking for him anymore.
He came a little closer as if he was looking for someone.
But you don’t have to pretend all the time.
I’ll see you sometime, sister.
Are you sad or.
Lack of attention from a man.
It was like I was struck by lightning because it was true.
What he said was true.
You are so confused, you don’t understand married life.
You are not married yet.
It’s not easy.
I don’t understand and I don’t know everything, sister.
But I know how to feel.
He slowly approached.
I felt the heat of his breath as we approached the front of the store.
It was as if everyone around you stopped.
Confused, maybe someone would see.
What are you doing? I whispered.
Even though we knew there was no one outside.
I’m not doing anything, sister.
He leaned a little against the counter.
His gaze was direct and serious.
This was no longer the simple, quiet, young man’s gesture like before.
Sister Lorena, I know, I know that you are thirsty for your husband’s embrace.
Very confused, I said seriously.
Your husband won’t know, right? I know you understand me.
He said softly, his lips almost touching my ear.
I felt my chest beating rapidly.
This was no joke.
After a while, he grabbed my arm roughly.
Not hard.
It was as if he was asking if it was okay.
It was confusing.
I said weakly.
If you don’t want to, I won’t force you.
He replied while looking seriously into my eyes.
But just in case, even for a moment, sister, I will take care of our secret.
I will provide for your needs.
There was no joking in his voice.
And that’s when I got more nervous, not because of fear, but because I knew I could give up if I didn’t control myself.
Then I sent him home.
A few more days passed but I couldn’t look at him the way I used to.
Every time he came near, it was like there was electricity.
Every time he spoke, everything around him seemed to blur.
One afternoon, we were both left inside the store.
No one was buying.
We were just looking outside but the wind was heavy behind us.
Confused, I called out softly.
Sir, maybe you forgot.
You know I’m married.
He nodded but smiled.
That smile that you know is no longer innocent.
I know that, sister.
So I just kept quiet.
But don’t tell me you don’t feel anything either.
I know I do.
I don’t know how to breathe in those momenTS. He’s right.
I won’t deny it.
And in that silence, I felt his hand slowly approach mine on the counter.
And in those moments, I didn’t pull away.
There was no kissing, no quick scenes.
But our bodies were close enough for us to feel how much I was shaking.
I’m not sure if it’s love or if I’m just hungry for attention.
But the truth is, there’s a part of me that’s been asleep for a long time and now the young man Lito is waking me up.
It was Saturday.
The whole area was quiet that day.
The sky was cloudy and there were hardly any shoppers in the store.
I sat behind the counter, watching the rain slowly fall.
Lito, as usual, was busy arranging boxes on the side.
He was still sweating despite the cold weather, and as he walked around the small space of the store, I noticed that he seemed to come closer more often, more insistently now.
“There aren’t many buyers today.
“I said while playing with the calculator.
“It’s nice to sleep in this weather, sister.” He replied, I just laughed.
I wish I could just fall asleep.
He was silent for a moment and suddenly spoke.
But it would be nice to have someone with me when it’s this cold.
I looked at him.
I couldn’t answer right away.
The way he said it so directly.
The once quiet kid who was always busy carrying boxes now stared at me as if he had been hiding something for a long time.
“Confused,” I said softly.
“Why, sister?” Don’t talk like that.
Someone might hear later.
What else could I think? There was no one there.
He replied as he slowly approached the counter.
It was just the two of us now.
Deep down, I knew I had to back off.
I knew I had to stop all of this before it got any worse.
But when I saw him and heard his low, calm voice, as if someone was killing me for not wanting to run, he came over to the edge of the counter where I was sitting.
The only sounds were the raindrops and the faint fan overhead.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He smiled slightly.
You’re beautiful.
I feel like no matter how hard I try to be, I’m softening with these words.
I don’t know if it’s because Aries hasn’t been by my side for a long time or because of Lito himself.
Very confused, sit down Ryan.
Don’t come too close.
I said again.
But instead of following, he slowly sat down on the chair next to the counter.
Our knees were almost touching.
I could feel the heat of his body.
Even though we weren’t touching yet, I could still smell the scent on his clothes, on his body.
It was simple but crazy.
“I remember,” he whispered.
The first day I came here, I was scared to look at you.
Really, I said while smiling.
Oh, you’re so beautiful.
As if I didn’t deserve to come near.
Confused.
Stop talking to me like that.
I’m still joking, but weak.
I’m married.
I know, sister.
He answered without hesitation.
But I couldn’t control my feelings.
Suddenly, the surroundings became quiet.
I don’t know why, but it felt like the air between us had lightened.
I looked straight into his eyes, he no longer looked like a simple worker.
Thunder rumbled outside.
I felt my heartbeats sync up.
This is it.
“Don’t tempt me like that,” I whispered.
I’m not tempting you, ate Lorena.
It’s true.
He slowly brought his hand closer to the top of the counter table.
Close to my hand.
He didn’t touch me right away.
It was as if he was asking if I agreed.
And I didn’t stop him.
I felt the warmth of his palm approaching the top of my hand.
At that moment, it felt like electricity flowed through my entire body.
I don’t know whether to pull my hand away or just let it go.
I don’t even know when the last time someone looked at me like this.
Not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman.
“Confused,” I called softly, almost in a whisper.
“Maybe we’ll regret this.” “I won’t regret it, sister.” She answered immediately.
The next few seconds were filled with silence.
We didn’t do anything violent, but each small movement felt like a giant step closer to a secret we couldn’t bear anymore.
He stood up slowly and walked around the counter to where I was.
I didn’t move, I didn’t leave.
I felt like I wanted to stop him, but my chest was beating louder than the voice of my conscience.
He stood in front of me.
We were just getting a little closer.
He didn’t touch me right away, but the look in his eyes seemed to say that we both knew where that night was going or would go.
Sister, he whispered, “if you don’t want me, I’m leaving.” I didn’t answer for a long moment and for the first time I didn’t avoid him either.
I never thought this would happen to me.
I am Lorena, the wife of a Seaman.
Life is good, every day is quiet.
But tonight inside the store, I am Lorena too.
A woman who has long been searching for the embrace and warmth of a companion.
There is no conversation and no noise.
But between the raindrops, something happened that I can never take back.
And when that night was over, we were both sitting inside the store.
Out of breath and unable to look each other straight in the eye.
I said weakly.
You won’t say anything to anyone.
Anyone.
I won’t hurt you, sister.
His answer was as serious as ever.
I still felt the weight of what we had done.
I knew it wasn’t right.
But in a corner of my heart, there was also a part that didn’t want to let go of that moment.
The next day, Lito arrived as usual.
As if nothing had happened, they were sweeping, carrying boxes, organizing things, and smiling.
But now, we know the same thing happened.
With every look and every smile, every laugh, we were hiding a secret.
Days passed.
Lito was sitting on a wooden chair next to the counter.
He was bent over and playing with the cap of a soft drink bottle.
He was not the same as before.
His smile was gone.
He was quiet as if he was waiting for someone.
Oh, what happened to you? “Why are you so quiet?” I asked while arranging the bowl of noodles on the side.
“Nothing.” He replied, still not looking.
I just thought, “Your husband is coming home.” Something hit my chest when I heard that.
I knew Aries was coming home.
He was right.
I knew I should be happy.
But the truth was, as it got closer, that day was getting closer.
It was like something heavy was sitting on my chest.
I said weakly, very confused.
Open tomorrow, you might not be here very often.
He looked at me.
Directly and seriously.
For a child suddenly left behind.
I knew that.
I knew there was a limit.
In the past few days, I had found myself avoiding him.
When he came at noon, I was busy in the kitchen.
In the evening, I didn’t accompany him to the counter.
I don’t want to add more weight to my heart but no matter how much I try to avoid him, he doesn’t back down.
He’s just there waiting for me.
Whether he’s hoping or not, I don’t know.
One night before Aris went home, I caught him organizing boxes even though his work was done.
“Lito, go home.
It’s late.
“I said while wiping the counter.
I didn’t want to leave yet.
He answered in a whisper.
Why? “Maybe tomorrow.” Not like this anymore.
I didn’t answer.
What he said was true.
Tomorrow, we can’t be this close anymore.
No more opportunities, no more secret glances.
He slowly approached the counter.
I could feel his every step.
My chest felt full.
I took a deep breath.
My call was confused and weak.
Sister, he cut me off.
If this was the last night, I didn’t want to end it like nothing had happened.
I didn’t know what to say but I also knew that there was a part of me that couldn’t accept being told, “Go away.” He approached the counter.
We were about an arm’s length away.
He didn’t say anything.
I didn’t speak either.
But his eyes were clear.
He didn’t want to let go.
This was the last moment.
Why don’t you just walk away, Lito?” I said weakly.
“Because I don’t want to.” He answered directly.
I didn’t want to walk away as if I didn’t feel anything.
“Sister, you’ve become important to me.” He slowly brought his hand closer to the table.
Close to my hand.
He didn’t immediately grab me as if asking for permission again.
I didn’t push him away.
I knew it was wrong.
I knew that too, sister.
He answered.
I couldn’t look.
I could feel the heat of his body even though we weren’t touching.
Of the many nights we’d spent together, this was the most intense not because of the action but because of the weight of knowing it was coming to an end.
He stood up and walked around the counter.
It was as if each step carved the words “it’s all too late, sister” into the air.
Give me a break.
He stopped in front of me.
He was looking straight ahead.
I didn’t look back.
For the first time, I wasn’t thinking about tomorrow.
I wasn’t thinking about Aries.
I didn’t think about the consequences.
All I could think about was tonight.
The last night Lo and I would be together.
Sister, she whispered, “Confused,” I answered weakly.
Every time we approached, it was slow.
We weren’t in a hurry.
As if we felt the moment we had left? As if every step, every breath and every look was a goodbye.
After that night, there was nothing left to say.
We both knew.
We ended what was between us.
Lito’s voice broke.
Promise you won’t tell anyone.
Don’t worry sister.
I will never hurt you.
I nodded.
I don’t know how I held back the tears that wanted to fall not because of regret but because I knew I couldn’t do it again.
I know this for myself, Miss Love.
Lito became important to me.
The next day, he arrived early.
The two of us were silent as we arranged the goods.
We no longer joked.
We didn’t smile.
You could feel the weight between the two of us.
Not anger, not resentment, but the truth.
The day Aries arrived, everyone was happy.
My son was so happy to come home from Manila.
The surroundings were lively.
I was smiling but behind that smile, there was a secret that no one knew.
A few days later, Lito said goodbye to me.
And as the weeks passed, I didn’t see Lito at the store anymore.
Someone said he went to Manila to work.
I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad.
Maybe both and sometimes when it’s late at night and the surroundings are quiet, I sit at the store counter, that part of my mind is still there with L.
I can still see him sitting quietly at the counter of my store while playing with the soft drink lids and smiling at me.
I don’t know if it’s love or just a secret hidden between two people who are both looking for something.
But those nights, the last night we were together, were the nights I would never forget.
I didn’t need a picture to remember the silence of the night.
Whenever I was alone in the store, my only reminder was Lito.
